I have a stalker. Last night he proposed.
My stalker has proposed marriage many times before this. But, each time, he announces it as his new idea, and he expects me to embrace it with gratitude and with all the enthusiasm due novelty. “No one ever wanted to marry you before this, did they? Well, I want to marry you!”
As usual, he proposed on a voice mail. I love my smart phone. It’s wise enough to send Stalker’s calls directly to voice mail. I used to make do with his unique ringtone (Bold as Love, do you know it?), back when I still would decide to answer his calls if he sounded reasonably sober. Now, all calls go directly to voice mail, and I have voice mail notifications set to silent. This is a big plus because his favorite time to call me is 3 am.
Stalker insisted he was proposing sober so I should take him seriously. “I only had half a pint of vodka. For me to get drunk, I need many, many pints at this stage of my career.”
I knew he couldn’t be too drunk. After a fifth, he tends to threaten my blood relatives with bodily harm to punish me for . . . well, that’s the back story. We’ll get to that.
Hear Bold as Love
. . . to be continued
(To read the entire story so far: Stalker)
Also — Stalker, the Soundtrack
© Barbara E. Berger, 2011, all rights reserved. “Stalker” is a work of fiction.